WHAT NEW SHOWS & MOVIES ARE COMING UP?

SOUTHERN BELLES: LOUISVILLE (SOAPNET) · [series premiere] · 5/21/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from SOAPnet’s press release, February 2009) SOAPnet is adding more original series to its slate and will premiere “Southern Belles: Louisville” on Thursday, May 21, 2009. A total of 10 one-hour docudrama episodes will air on Thursdays at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT. The series, produced by Endemol USA in association with ABC Media Productions (formerly Buena Vista Productions), follows the lives of five single, modern Southern women in their 20s and 30s in the heart of Louisville, Kentucky, offering an intimate look at the professional and romantic lives of this circle of friends. “Southern Belles: Louisville” is a real-life “Sex and the City” that takes place in the South, but not the South that stereotypes are made of. The backdrop is the progressive, art-centric and warm community of Louisville, Kentucky. The series will showcase the intense friendships and family values that are part of the Southern way of life. These five contemporary and independent women are all at critical crossroads in their lives: Some are confronting their biological clocks, some are still looking for Mr. Right and are trying to find their career paths, and one is preparing for her wedding.

-Had enough of dumb rich broads but it works for some

RE-INVENTING BONADUCE (FRC) · [series premiere] · 5/23/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · saturdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from Fox Reality’s web site, May 2009) Fox Reality Channel’s original series, “Re-Inventing Bonaduce” follows Gretchen Bonaduce, fresh off her divorce from bad boy TV/radio personality Danny Bonaduce, as she sets out to prove that she can make it on her own while juggling her children, rock band career and a fashion line. Plus, the mom of two must now also decide if it’s worth sacrificing her hefty monthly alimony to pursue another marriage. Gretchen is from Waukegan, Illinois and has also lived in Germany, Wisconsin, Arizona, Tennessee and now California.

-Didn’t like the the partridge boy meltdowns. If they do a Constanza and do the complete opposite of that show then it might work.

SEX DECOY: LOVE STINGS (FRC) · [series premiere] · 5/23/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · saturdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Fox Reality’s web site, May 2009) Sex Decoy: Love Stings is set inside the private life and professional world of Sandra Hope and “Mate Check Private Investigations”. Each episode chronicles specific cases in which a spouse or significant other hires Sandra and her team of decoys to “tempt” their potentially wayward lover and expose infidelity. The show also follows the ups and downs of Sandra’’s dysfunctional family, including her daughters, who work for her as decoys. Sex Decoy: Love Stings cameras roll nonstop as the love sting operation is planned, executed and revealed to the client.

-Almost as cruel as Cheaters. Actually worse. Don’t see much here afterwhile. I have some integrity.

DIAMONDS (ABC) · [original mini-series] · 5/24/09 at 9:00 PM

(from ABC’s press release) It’s the most romantic stone known to man. But when the daughter of U.S. Senator Joan Cameron (Judy Davis) is killed in a massacre at an African diamond mine, a chain of events begin that uncovers the darkest secrets of the international diamond trade. Shot on location in South Africa and Canada, this four-hour limited series provides a look inside one of the world’s most glamorous yet mysterious industries. “Diamonds” dramatically weaves together five storylines to portray the personal and political effects of the blood diamond trade on a global scale. From prospectors scouring the northern barrens, to the dazzling estates of the diamond lords of Cape Town; from the diamond fashion shows in London, to the war ravaged villages of Sierra Leone, this epic thriller follows the trail of greed and obsession that brings to the world its most dazzling gems.

-Is this some ripoff of “Blood Diamond” the movie? I don’t know…this might be doable if there is absolutely nothing else on.

CAKE BOSS (TLC) · [series premiere] · 5/25/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from TLC’s press release, April 2009) Immediately following at 10 PM ET/PT will be the series premiere of CAKE BOSS, focusing on master baker Buddy Valastro as he struggles to make his bakery in Hoboken, NJ a household name. Can his big Italian family help the celebrated cake-maker turn his father’s dream into a reality?

-Is this the best TLC has to offer this summer?

OBSESSED (A&E) · [series premiere] · 5/25/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from A&E’s press release, May 2009) Building upon the phenomenal success of “Intervention,” A&E premieres the new unscripted series “Obsessed,” exploring two individual cases where the subjects face debilitating extreme anxiety disorders, their struggle and the process of rehabilitation. Whether it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder or a variety of phobias, the unscripted series gives viewers a chance to see first-hand how an obsession can radically affects a person’s life. “Obsessed” not only captures the particulars of the condition but sees the subject through the incredible emotion of one-on-one therapy sessions. By using cognitive behavioral therapy, each subject is taught how to understand their thought process which contributes to symptoms and how to change thought patterns, manage their anxiety and avoid the debilitating compulsions. The series then revisits each subject after several weeks of treatment to see if the obsession lingers.

-More disturbing or fascinating than Intervention. I’ll give it a quick look see.

SCIENCE OF THE MOVIES (SCIENCE) · [series premiere] · 5/26/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from Science Channel’s press release, April 2009) Science Channel invites viewers on a geektastic journey to the cinematic intersection of art and science in the all-new series SCIENCE OF THE MOVIES, premiering Tuesday, May 26 at 9 PM (ET/PT). Appealing to the movie junkie in us all, the new series explores the remarkable yet rarely celebrated scientific world that exists behind the screen, spotlighting the visionary artists, entrepreneurial spirit, innovative technology and remarkable techniques responsible for creating unforgettable, edge-of-your-seat moments in blockbuster films.

-I love movies but you really have to be hardcore for this…

MENTAL (FOX) · [series premiere] · 5/26/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from FOX’s press release, March 2009) Fox Broadcasting Company has picked up MENTAL, a new one-hour medical-mystery drama from Fox Television Studios (FtvS) and executive producers Deborah Joy LeVine (”Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman”) and Dan Levine (”The Division”). The first of three Fox TV Studios international co-productions, MENTAL stars Chris Vance (PRISON BREAK) and Annabella Sciorra (”The Sopranos”) and is produced in association with Fox International Channels (FIC). The series first 13 episodes were shot at Fox TeleColombia, in Bogot, Colombia, in 2008. The series will premiere in summer 2009.

-I think it might be ok. Sounds like an offbeat storyline of “House” so it might appeal to some.

HITCHED OR DITCHED (THE CW) · [series premiere] · 5/26/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from The CW’s press release, April 2009) HITCHED OR DITCHED is a one-hour reality show focusing on couples who are in long-term relationships but have not yet taken that big leap into marriage. Nominated by a friend who believes it’s either time for the couple to tie to the knot or break up, each episode features a different couple who accept their friend’s proposition to set a wedding date in one week’s time. Throughout the week leading up to the big day, the couple is put through a series of personalized exercises that test their relationship, all while planning their dream wedding. They may have to confront their problems ranging from mending relationships with future in-laws to dealing with jealousy issues. When the wedding day arrives, the couple will make the final decision will they tie the knot or call the whole thing off? Viewers will witness every emotional milestone as the couple decides if it’s time to get HITCHED OR DITCHED. The series is hosted by Tanya McQueen (”Extreme Make-Over Home Edition”). HITCHED OR DITCHED is produced by RDF USA in association with Next Entertainment. The executive producers are Mike Fleiss (”The Bachelor,” “High School Reunion”), Chris Coelen (”Secret Millionaire,” “Don’t Forget the Lyrics”), Greg Goldman (”Secret Millionaire,” “Wife Swap”), Mike Duffy (”Addicted to Beauty”) and Jason Ehrlich (”The Bachelor”).

-This really has no legs. How far can this show really go. Some might relate to this but I see getting dull in a hurry.

LITTLE COUPLE, THE (TLC) · [series premiere] · 5/26/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from TLC’s press release, April 2009) THE LITTLE COUPLE, following newlyweds Bill Klein and Jen Arnold, premieres on Tuesday, May 26 at 10 PM ET/PT. Picking up where the successful special LITTLE PEOPLE JUST MARRIED left off, Bill, a successful businessman, and Jen, a pediatrician, who are both under four feet tall, will share their unique perspectives on life, love, and marriage.

-So little time, so little hours, so little interest in so little people. I can’t do it. I’m sorry.

GOODE FAMILY, THE (ABC) · [series premiere] · 5/27/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 9:00 PM-9:30 PM EST

(from ABC’s press release, April 2009) “The Goode Family” is a new animated series from Mike Judge (”King of the Hill,” “Beavis and Butt-head,” “Office Space”), John Altschuler and Dave Krinsky (”King of the Hill,” “Blades of Glory”). With standards always changing, no matter how hard you try to be good, it’s virtually impossible these days . . . especially for the Goode family. Meet Gerald and Helen Goode, a couple who live by the motto WWAGD (”What Would Al Gore Do?”). Gerald, a college administrator, and Helen, a community activist, are determined to obliterate their carbon footprint on the planet: They’re zealous vegans, drive a hybrid, and recycle everything possible. Even the family dog, Che, is vegan. In the words of Helen, all the Goodes want to do is buy organic apples and call minorities by their right names. But despite their best efforts, something always goes haywire with their politically correct plans.

-Now this shows looks like it will be hysterical. I think will catch the eyes of many Americans who are either like this or know a family like this…

YOUR WORST ANIMAL NIGHTMARES (ANIMAL PLANET) · [series premiere] · 5/27/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

-The title says it all

TATTOO HIGHWAY (A&E) · [series premiere] · 5/27/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from A&E’s press release, April 2009) A&E Network takes tattoo television on a road trip through the cross-country travels of master tattoo artist Thomas Pendelton on “Tattoo Highway.” The 13-episode, half-hour series will premieres Wednesday, May 27 at 10PM ET/PT on A&E. Pendelton and his business partner and wife Monica have transformed a 1970s tour bus into a tattoo parlor on wheels, featuring a swanky interior and top-of-the-line tattooing equipment. It’s a tattoo shop that can tattoo anyone, anywhere.

-How interesting can this be really?

BOOK OF BEASTS, THE (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 5/30/09 at 9:00 PM

Another Merlin film…Only on my worst day will I watch this production

MANEATER (LIFETIME) · [original mini-series] · 5/30/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Lifetime’s press release) Beautiful, fashionable and fun, Clarissa Alpert (Chalke) is a shallow socialite whose speed dial is a veritable Rolodex of Hollywood power players. Staring her 32nd birthday directly in the eyes though she will admit only to being 28 the spoiled daddy’s girl is in a panic because she is still single. Clarissa, though, always gets what she wants even if he’s Aaron Mason (Philip Winchester), the hottest new producer in town. With the help of her family and friends, Clarissa sets into motion an elaborate plan to lasso the dashing filmmaker who will, she hopes, be the man to put a ring on her finger.

-Should I watch this? I don’t know…but mostly no!

SAFE HARBOR (HALLMARK) · [original telefilm] · 5/30/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Hallmark’s press release) A husband and wife come to realize that waves of change can begin with a single ripple in the Hallmark Channel Original Movie “Safe Harbor,” premiering Saturday, May 30 (9/8c). Based on a true story, “Safe Harbor” stars three-time Golden Globe Award nominee Treat Williams (”Everwood”) and Nancy Travis (”The Bill Engvall Show”) as a sea-loving couple who forgo their long-planned retirement when they find a new purpose in helping troubled teenagers turn their lives around.

-Like Kathy Griffin says….Snoooozers!

INTO THE STORM (HBO) · [original telefilm] · 5/31/09 at 9:00 PM

(from HBO’s web site) For five years, Winston Churchill played a huge role in thwarting the Nazis during World War II, his intrepid leadership and rhetoric inspiring millions to fight Hitler’s Germany to the bitter end. This powerful follow-up to HBO’s Emmy(R)-winning The Gathering Storm follows Churchill from 1940 to 1945 as he guided his beleaguered nation through the crucible of the war years–even as his marriage was encountering its own struggles. Brendan Gleeson stars as the steadfast Churchill, with Janet McTeer as his devoted, but exasperated wife Clemmie. Also with Len Cariou who portrays U.S. president Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

-They usually do good movies…I’m game!

JESSE JAMES IS A DEAD MAN (SPIKE TV) · [series premiere] · 5/31/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Spike TV’s press release, January 2009) Jesse James takes on the role of a modern-day daredevil in “Jesse James Is A Dead Man,” a new, original weekly series on Spike TV premiering on Sunday, May 31 (10:00 – 11:00 PM, ET/PT). “Our goal was to create a new and distinctive series for Jesse that is unlike anything else on television,” said Sharon Levy, senior vice president of original series for Spike TV. “In this series, viewers will get to experience one of the most fearless guys on the planet in an entirely new way, taking on death-defying physical challenges each week.” Each episode follows James as he readies himself for a different death-defying challenge he has always wanted to face and beat. Preparing for the risky challenge can often be as dangerous as the challenge itself as he endures a battery of tests to prepare. With CGI effects, viewers get a taste of the enormity of the stunt, revealing the physiological stress James’ body will endure. Some of the dangerous challenges he’ll be facing include the harrowing, grueling and lawless off-road race better known as the Baja 500, hitting over 200 mph on a Nitro bike supercharged by ultra-combustible nitro-methane fuel and braving harsh Artic weather conditions by riding a motorcycle in minus-60 degree temperature across the infamous Ice Highway that connects the small towns of Inuvik and Aklavik. James will even place his life in the hands of his fans in a featured episode where he will reach out and ask his fans to come up with the craziest, most dangerous stunts imaginable for James to undertake.

-Do we really have to wait till the end of the show for him to do a stunt? I’ll be a dead man before I watch this one.

HGTV’S $250,000 CHALLENGE (HGTV) · [series premiere] · 5/31/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from HGTV’s press release, May 2009) Five families living in the same Sherman Oaks, Calif. neighborhood will put their home improvement and interior design skills to the test for a chance to win a life-changing cash prize in HGTV’s $250,000 Challenge. To avoid elimination and earn big cash that could go toward their mortgage, the homeowners will participate in weekly challenges to renovate and redesign their own homes. Season one will showcase the expertise and design passion of homeowners Kelley Alexander; Fabian and Lisa Duvernay; Jeff and Elizabell Marquez; Dwight and Grace Yao; and Rico and Danica Yovanovich. Premiering Sunday, May 31 at 10 p.m. ET/PT, the four-week series, hosted by Drew Lachey, will air through June 21.

-I hate to admit it but I might check this one out. I love the transformation stuff

EXPEDITION AFRICA: STANLEY & LIVINGSTONE (HISTORY) · [series premiere] · 5/31/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from History’s press release, April 2009) Twenty miles off the coast of eastern Africa, four modern-day explorers are sailing towards the unknown, the deep interior of Tanzania. They’ll travel 970 miles through the most stunning, epic and unforgiving African terrain fraught with danger. Using only a compass and basic maps, they will attempt to experience the spirit of a remarkable adventure in world history. Their historic exploration has been captured by one of the premiere storytellers of our time, Mark Burnett, for the eight-part television event, EXPEDITION AFRICA: STANLEY & LIVINGSTONE, premiering on HISTORY on Sunday, May 31, 2009.

-When they sailed towards the unknown…they should have stayed there instead of us having to endure watching it on tv.

IS YOUR HOUSE KILLING YOU? (SUNDANCE) · [series premiere] · 6/2/09 at 9:30 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:30 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from Sundance’s press release, March 2009) In this groundbreaking scientific makeover show, families are invited to take up the challenge of “detoxing” their homes. Their houses may look clean to the naked eye, but lurking in corners, carpets, mattresses and wall cavities are hidden biological and chemical dangers. Hosts Dr. Peter Dingle and Cedric Cheong lead the team of scientific experts as they work through a diverse range of homes in a CSI-style investigation. However great the challenge, the team comes up with a makeover plan to rid homes of toxic time bombs, and gives great DIY tips along the way. An Essential Viewing Production.

-I might watch this in passing. Might be some interesting info. Who knows…

MAN LAND (HGTV) · [series premiere] · 6/3/09 at 11:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 11:00 PM-11:30 PM EST

(from HGTV’s press release, March 2009) Man Land is a series where men get to be men. From amazing basements and gallant garages to underground recreation rooms, this new HGTV weekly series explores men’s design machismo and offers viewers ideas for incredible “manspace makeovers.” Man Land reveals how the women in these men’s lives feel about their guy having a separate space and how that space has changed their relationship.

-Yes…I will watch this! It’s about time more is devoted to the Man’s Domain!

LISTENER, THE (NBC) · [series premiere] · 6/4/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from NBC’s press release, March 2009) “The Listener” centers on Toby Logan (Craig Olejnik, “The Timekeeper”), a 25-year-old paramedic who has a big secret — he’s a telepath. Until now, Toby kept his ability hidden, exploring its possibilities only with his long time mentor and confidant, Dr. Ray Mercer (Colm Feore, “24: Redemption”). As he makes the rounds with his energetic paramedic partner — “Oz” Bey (Ennis Esmer, “Young People F*#king”), “The Listener” follows Toby as he tries to help people in crisis, and in the process, unravel the truth about his past. While his professional life is in check, Toby’s personal life could use its own rescue. And with the help of Detective Charlie Marks (Lisa Marcos, “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”) and his E.R. doctor/ex-girlfriend Olivia Fawcett (Mylne Dinh-Robic, “Da Vinci’s City Hall”), Toby realizes his gift can help others.

-I’m slightly intrigued. Actually a little more than slightly. This might be pretty good.

ROYAL PAINS (USA) · [75-minute series premiere] · 6/4/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from USA’s press release, January 2009) USA Network announced today that it has picked up the original series ROYAL PAINS (working title), starring Mark Feuerstein (”What Women Want,” “In Her Shoes,” “Good Morning Miami”). The 11-episode order is the first original series production from Universal Cable Productions for USA Network. ROYAL PAINS will also star Paulo Costanzo (”Joey”), Jill Flint (”Gossip Girl”) and Reshma Shetty (”30 Rock”). The announcement was made today by Jeff Wachtel, executive vice president, original programming, USA Network and co-head, original content, Universal Cable Productions.

-I’m forward to this one more than any show this summer.

TOSH.0 (COMEDY) · [series premiere] · 6/4/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-10:30 PM EST

(from Comedy Central press release, May 2009) With razor sharp wit and biting commentary, comedian Daniel Tosh delves into all aspects of the Internet from the absolutely absurd to the incredibly ingenious in this new weekly, topical series, “Tosh.0″ debuting on Thursday, June 4 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT. “Tosh.0″ goes deep into the Web, spinning commentary about blogs and vlogs both popular and obscure, tweets and pokes, popular sites and new technologies. In addition, the series will feature viral clips of the week, premiere its own original videos created by and starring well-known actors and comedians, as well as highlight a weekly “Viewer’s Choice” video chosen from among those uploaded and voted on via COMEDY CENTRAL’s flanker Web site, Atom. Each episode will feature the segment “Web Redemption,” which will give subjects of infamous viral videos (think Afro Ninja) a second chance to redeem themselves from the embarrassment with which they’ve become synonymous.

-I want to see just because it’s about us online folks. Should be cool.

COME DANCE AT MY WEDDING (HALLMARK) · [original telefilm] · 6/6/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Hallmark’s press release) Whether you’re walking down the aisle or whirling on the dance floor, a young woman comes to understand that making life’s decisions is all about taking that first step in “Come Dance At My Wedding,” a Hallmark Channel Original Movie premiering Saturday, June 6 (9/8c). John Schneider (”Smallville”), Golden Globe and Emmy nominee Roma Downey (”Touched by an Angel”), Brooke Nevin (”Worst Week”) and Christopher Jacot (”Eureka”) star in the tale of an estranged father and daughter who may be light-on-their-feet, but who still have a few moves to learn if they are to move forward as a family.

-I’d rather not thanks.

KENDRA (E!) · [series premiere] · 6/7/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-10:30 PM EST

reality series about kendra wilkinson’s post-”girls next door” life, including her impending marriage to philadelphia eagles receiver hank basket

-This is the best chick from the “girls next door”. I gotta check out a lil bit of this one.

NURSE JACKIE (SHOWTIME) · [series premiere] · 6/8/09 at 10:30 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:30 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Showtime’s press release, July 2008) NURSE JACKIE is a half-hour dark comedy that is at turns wicked, heartbreaking and funny. Edie Falco stars as the title character Jackie O’Hurley, a strong-willed and brilliant — but very flawed — emergency room nurse in a complicated New York City hospital. A lapsed Catholic with an occasional weakness for Vicodin and Adderall to get her through the days, Jackie keeps the hospital balanced with her own kind of justice. Every day is a high wire act of juggling patients, doctors, fellow nurses and her own indiscretions. The series also stars Eve Best, Peter Facinelli, Merritt Wever, Haaz Slieman and Paul Schulze.

-Sounds like a roller coaster ride of a show. I’m in.

TOP CHEF MASTERS (BRAVO) · [series premiere] · 6/10/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Bravo’s press release, April 2009) Calling all foodies.it’s time to salivate! “Top Chef Masters,” the spin-off series of the Emmy and James Beard Award-winning No. 1 food show on cable, “Top Chef,” will premiere on Wednesday, June 10 at 10 p.m. ET/PT. The judges’ table has finally turned – and we’ll see what happens when these top chefs are now on the other side. “Top Chef Masters” will pit 24 world-renowned chefs against each other and see how well they fare in the tried and true format of “Top Chef.” In each episode, money will be at stake for the chefs, with the winners of eliminations being awarded cash donations for their charities. The first six episodes will consist of four chefs competing against each other to name one winner. The six winners of each episode will then meet up for the final four weeks when one person will get eliminated each episode until the finale where one winner is crowned Top Chef Master. The winning chef will receive $100,000 for the charity of their choice.

-I’ll guess I’ll check out a few episodes. Why not!

16 & PREGNANT (MTV) · [series premiere] · 6/11/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

-I don’t know if this is good or bad for teens to watch. I’m sure they’re doing it for greater awareness.

RAISING SEXTUPLETS (WE) · [series premiere] · 6/11/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from WE’s press release, May 2009) Zero to six, in nine months! On June 11, 2007, Jenny and Bryan Masche became first-time parents… of sextuplets! And their once quiet lives have never been the same. WE tv’s new original series RAISING SEXTUPLETS follows the marathon-running parents as they learn the hard way that no training can prepare you for parenthood with multiples. WE tv captures all the fun and chaos of life with six kids in RAISING SEXTUPLETS, premiering Thursday, June 11 at 10pm I 9c, the same day as the Masche toddlers’ 2nd birthday. The premiere will be preceded by a special encore airing of the fascinating WE tv original documentary OMG! SEXTUPLETS! at 9pm I 8c, which features the Masche family beginnings, chronicling Jenny’s pregnancy and delivery.

-And I want to see this why?

HAMMERTIME (A&E) · [series premiere] · 6/14/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from A&E’s press release, May 2009) Take a peek inside the life of Stanley Burrell who rapped and danced his way into the hearts of America in the 1990s as MC Hammer and to date has sold more than 50 million albums worldwide and is a three-time Grammy award winner. Known for his thrilling stage shows, powerful dance moves, catchy pop hits and his community commitment, Hammer faced some very public financial woes and now lives a more economically balanced life in Oakland, California with Stephanie, his wife and confidant of more than 23 years, and their family of six kids ranging in ages 4-21.

-Gotta see my man…he needs the Dough! Show him some love why don’t ya!

WEDDING DAY (TNT) · [series premiere] · 6/16/09 at 8:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 8:00 PM-9:00 PM EST

(from TNT’s press release, May 2009) Every couple dreams of having the perfect wedding. For many, it’s the most important and emotional day of their lives. But for some, insurmountable obstacles create barriers to making their dream day a reality. This new TNT series, the network’s first-ever unscripted drama, comes from producing giants Mark Burnett Productions and DreamWorks Television. The show gives deserving couples a helping hand to ensure the most important day of their lives is also the most magical. Each week, celebrity event planner and food expert Alan Dunn (For Better or Worse) and celebrity wedding producer and designer Diann Valentine (author of Weddings Valentine Style) host as family, friends and community come together to create a dream wedding. Along the way, viewers will learn each couple’s compelling story, from their first date to their wedding day.

-Alright…I confess, I’m a romantic and I do want to see this one. Don’t laugh!

HAWTHORNE (TNT) · [series premiere] · 6/16/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from TNT’s press release, May 2009) Jada Pinkett Smith (The Women, The Matrix trilogy) is the latest talented actress to join TNT’s line-up of strong, complex female characters, following in the footsteps of Kyra Sedgwick on The Closer and Holly Hunter of Saving Grace. In this character-driven medical drama, Pinkett Smith plays Christina Hawthorne, a compassionate and headstrong Chief Nursing Officer heading up a group of dedicated nurses at Richmond Trinity Hospital who spend long days and nights on the hospital’s front lines. Hawthorne is the kind of nurse you want on your side when you or someone you love is in the hospital. She is the kind of nurse who fights for her patients and doesn’t let them slip through the cracks. When necessary, she takes on doctors and administrators who are overworked, distracted or just unable to see the human being behind the hospital chart. Joining Pinkett Smith in HAWTHORNE is Michael Vartan (Alias) as Dr. Tom Wakefield, the oncologist who treated Christina’s husband and who serves as director of medicine for the hospital. The cast also includes Suleka Mathew (Men in Trees) as Bobbie Jackson, a fellow nurse and one of Hawthorne’s best friends; David Julian Hirsh (Lovebites) as Ray Stein, a nurse struggling with being accepted in a female-dominated profession; Christina Moore (90210) as Candy Sullivan, a nurse with a unique sense of duty; and Hannah Hodson (TNT’s The Ron Clark Story) as Camille, Hawthorne’s daughter. In addition, special guest star Joanna Cassidy (Six Feet Under) portrays Amanda, Hawthorne’s mother-in-law, who also happens to be a member of the hospital board.

-1^st big role for Jada Pinkett Smith. I think this will do well.

LAZY ENVIRONMENTALIST, THE (SUNDANCE) · [series premiere] · 6/16/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-9:30 PM EST

(from Sundance’s press release, March 2009) In each episode host Josh Dorfman seeks out environmental skeptics who are experts in fields as diverse as fashion, food, architecture, business and design in order to persuade them that a green lifestyle can easily meet the demands of their professional and private lives. Operating on the theory that consumers should not settle for an expensive product or innovation of inferior design simply because it is environmentally-friendly, it is Josh’s mission to bring these experts ecologically-sound options that stand up to their very high standards and show them that living a green lifestyle can not only be done with little sacrifice, it can make their lives easier. Produced by Free Range Media.

-I’ll be to lazy to watch.

NYC PREP (BRAVO) · [series premiere - special time] · 6/16/09 at 11:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Bravo’s press release, April 2009) “NYC Prep” chronicles the lives of a group of privileged teenagers who are key players in Manhattan’s elite high school scene. Students who travel in packs – whether it’s on sophisticated vacations or to a townhouse for an exclusive midnight party, their lives intertwine as they network, shop, party, study, date and write college applications. Everyone’s beautiful and everyone’s connected. On the surface, it seems that these teens live an enviable life. They have access and privilege to spare, and can’t imagine that anything or anyone, will get in their way. Over the course of the series, we’ll see them on the benefit circuit, viewers will get to know their families, their entourage (trainers, college application advisors, stylists) and their guys/girls of the moment. But privilege has its price. Despite their carefree lives, the pressure of lofty expectations can sometimes be too much for even the most confident teenagers.

-This will be classic. I love to see rich kids cry even when they obviously have no reason to whatsoever!

MERLIN (NBC) · [series premiere] · 6/21/09 at 8:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 8:00 PM-9:00 PM EST

(from NBC’s press release, March 2009) “Merlin” is a new 13-part drama series that updates the story of the infamous sorcerer of Arthurian legend for a new audience in the mythical city of Camelot, in a time before history began. In this fantastical realm, Merlin is a young man gifted with extraordinary magical powers who arrives in the kingdom and quickly makes enemies, including the heir to Uther’s crown, the headstrong Prince Arthur. But guided by Uther’s wise physician, Gaius, Merlin is soon using his talents not just to survive but also to unlock Camelot’s mystical secrets. Starring Colin Morgan as Merlin, Bradley James as Prince Arthur, Anthony Head as King Uther, Richard Wilson as Gaius, Katie McGrath as Morgana and Angel Coulby as Gwen, “Merlin” is an imaginative new twist on a legend that is as old as time. “Merlin” was created and produced by Shine Television (executive-produced by Julian Murphy and Johnny Capps) for the BBC and FremantleMedia Enterprises. FME holds the exclusive licensing, home entertainment (excluding U.K.) and distribution rights to “Merlin” and has invested in the series alongside Shine Television and BBC One.

-This! After the Crusoe debacle last year? What is the fascination with Merlin anyway?

RISE OF THE GARGOYLES (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 6/21/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Sci Fi’s press release) Rise of the Gargoyle has also just completed production. It stars Eric Balfour (24, Six Feet Under) as a struggling author in Paris who finds himself face to face with a horrific monster a real live version of the stone gargoyles he’s devoted his life to studying. Rise of the Gargoyle is directed by Bill Corcoran (Atomic Twister, Vipers).

-If the Gargoyle looks half way decent then you got me. Otherwise…save it.

IMPACT (ABC) · [original mini-series] · 6/21/09 at 9:00 PM

(from ABC’s press release) We seem to have survived a catastrophic meteor storm.but something has changed and the moon is looming larger in the sky. What once was the most familiar object in the night now threatens to destroy all life on earth. A small band of international astronauts, scientists, and soldiers band together as our last best hope.

-No Impact. No Impact at all.

MAKE IT OR BREAK IT (ABC FAMILY) · [series premiere] · 6/22/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from ABC Family’s press release, April 2009) “Make It or Break It” is a one-hour scripted drama, created and written by Holly Sorensen. Sorenson and Paul Stupin (”In Plain Sight”) serve as executive producers. The pilot was directed by Steve Miner (”Wildfire,” “Dawson’s Creek”). Set in the world of competitive gymnastics, “Make It or Break It” follows a group of teen Olympic hopefuls as they train and prepare for their day in the spotlight. The cast includes Chelsea Hobbs (”Lords of Dogtown”) as gymnastic newcomer ‘Emily Kmetko’; Ayla Kell (”CSI: Miami”) as top gymnast ‘Payson Keeler’; Josie Loren (”17 Again”) as the beautiful gymnast ‘Kaylie Cruz’; and Zachary Burr Abel (”The Secret Life of the American Teenager”) as the gym’s resident hottie, ‘Carter Anderson.’ Peri Gilpin (”Frasier”) and Candace Cameron Bure (”Full House”) both make a return to series television in starring roles. “Make It or Break It” premieres Monday, June 22 at 9:00 PM ET/PT.

-Unless there are some steamy subplots here, I can’t see much out this show.

SUPERSTARS, THE (ABC) · [series premiere] · 6/23/09 at 8:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 8:00 PM-9:00 PM EST

(from ABC’s press release, April 2009) “The Superstars,” a fresh take on an old favorite, is based on ABC’s classic “Wide World of Sports” series, “The Superstars,” which pitted athletes from all different sports against each other to determine the best athlete in the world. Eight celebrities are paired with eight professional male and female athletes to compete against each other in varying sporting events. Each week a team will be eliminated until one team is ultimately crowned the winner. Competitors’ athletic prowess will be put to the test with events including swimming, biking, running and kayaking, in addition to other head-to-head athletic challenges that will test strength, speed, stamina, agility, as well as an element of strategy. The six-episode series will be shot entirely on location at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas.

-This could be cool to root for the underdog.

PHILANTHROPIST, THE (NBC) · [series premiere] · 6/24/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from NBC’s press release, March 2009) “The Philanthropist” chronicles the heroic adventures of a billionaire playboy turned vigilante philanthropist. James Purefoy (”Rome”) stars as Teddy Rist, a successful tycoon whose life is forever changed after rescuing a young boy during a hurricane in the Nigerian town he was visiting. Rist is spontaneous and impulsive and quickly decides to channel his passion, power and money into helping those in need. Rist’s actions are not just about helping others – he is purging his soul to help exorcise the inner demons which have been festering ever since his young son died and he lost everything he truly loved. Since the death of his son, the danger and risk to his life is the only way he can feel genuinely alive and he’ll do anything in order to achieve his goals. A man who has everything but can feel nothing, Rist keeps his adrenaline pumping by putting his business head and money-making skills to good use through bargaining with the self-righteous, making deals with drug barons and trading with the nefarious. “The Philanthropist” boasts a heady cast of established and up-and-coming talent. Purefoy takes on the lead role of Teddy Rist, Jesse L. Martin (”Law & Order”) plays Teddy’s business partner and friend, Philip Maidstone, and Neve Campbell (”Burn Up”) plays Olivia, Philip’s wife who also runs the charitable foundation set up by the two billionaires. Purefoy, Martin and Campbell are supported by a tremendous line up of names from both sides of the Atlantic including Lindy Booth (”The 4400″), Michael Kenneth Williams (”The Wire”), Krista Allen (”The Starter Wife”) and newcomer James Albrecht.

-Interested to see where it’s going. It’s sounds a little shaky right now.

MUTANT CHRONICLES, THE (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 6/27/09 at 9:00 PM

-Looks pretty decent-trailer to come

HUNG (HBO) · [series premiere] · 6/28/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from HBO’s web site, April 2009) Years ago in high school, Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) was athletic, popular and destined for success. Now, as a high-school teacher and basketball coach, he’s underpaid, uninsured, and embittered that his wife of 20 years (Anne Heche) has left him for her dermatologist. After a fire damages the rundown Detroit home he inherited from his parents, Ray’s fortunes reach an all-time low when his twin children, who had been living with him, move in with their mom and her clean-freak hubby. Lonely, run-down and at wit’s end, Ray attends a local self-help class whose mantra is to identify a personal “winning tool” to market for financial success. After a not-so-fulfilling encounter with a fellow attendee – an ex-flame and would-be poet named Tanya (Jane Adams) – Ray has a “eureka” moment. With the help of Tanya, Ray resolves to take advantage of his greatest asset, in hopes of changing his fortunes in a big way.

-I like the rags to riches theme. Can’t wait to see him stick it to his ex. Classic!

DANCE YOUR ASS OFF (OXYGEN) · [90-minute series premiere] · 6/29/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Oxygen’s press release, April 2009) Oxygen kicks off its second night of original programming with the premiere of its first-ever dance/weight-loss competition series “Dance Your Ass Off” on Monday, June 29th at 10pm ET/PT. The 10 one-hour episode series launches with a super sized 90-minute premiere with limited commercials. Bringing dance and diet together, the new series features talented, full-figured contestants who struggle with their weight and dance to unleash their inner thin. TONY Award-winning actress Marissa Jaret Winokur, well known for her role as plus-sized Tracy Turnblad in the hit Broadway musical “Hairspray,” serves as host.

-Fat girls dancing, huffing and puffing…count me in. This is outta be good!

MENDING FENCES (HALLMARK) · [original telefilm] · 7/4/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Hallmark’s press release) Hallmark Channel has just wrapped production on “The View From Here,” an original movie set to air in late 2009 starring Angie Dickinson (”Ocean’s Eleven”) and Laura Leighton (”Melrose Place”). Laura Leighton stars as Kelly Grant, a hard-nosed television journalist who is turned down for a big promotion at work. Angie Dickinson stars as Ruth Hanson, Kelly’s estranged mother, who lives and works on the family’s farm in the small town of Santa Ynez. One day, Kelly is visited by an old friend who tells her of Ruth’s failing health and urges her to visit. When she arrives on the farm she finds out that the town is suffering from a severe water drought and that an out-of-state company is buying up neighboring farms to build a casino. Kelly uses her investigative skills to uncover a plot against the town and its residents. She also does some much-needed soul searching and comes face-to-face with the reasons she left home years ago and why her relationship with Ruth has since been strained. With the help of her feisty young daughter, Kamilla (Shanley Caswell, “Zoey 101″), Kelly charts a path to help the town, her mother and ultimately, herself.

-Not a bad plot. Catch on the repeat. I know I’ll be watching something else at that time. Or maybe not, it is the summer.

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (ABC FAMILY) · [series premiere] · 7/7/09 at 8:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 8:00 PM-8:30 PM EST

(from ABC Family’s press release, April 2009) “10 Things I Hate About You” is a half-hour, single-cam series with director Gil Junger (who also directed the 1999 “10 Things I Hate About You” feature film) and executive producer and writer Carter Covington (”Greek”). Inspired by the hit movie, the Stratford sisters, Kat (Lindsey Shaw, “Aliens in America”) and Bianca (Meaghan Jette Martin, “Camp Rock”), are two very different people, which is evident as they start at their new high school with very contradictory goals. Kat is a strong-willed, in-your-face feminist looking to save the world and get out of high school as fast as she can. Bianca is a social butterfly carefully maneuvering the minefield of high school popularity. Can each sister find happiness after getting off to a very rocky start at new school Padua High? The original series will also star Larry Miller, who reprises his film role as the girls’ over-protective father, and Ethan Peck (grandson of Gregory Peck, “Tennessee”) has been cast in the role of ‘Patrick’ (portrayed by Heath Ledger in the 1999 film). “10 Things I Hate About You” premieres on Tuesday, July 7 at 8:00PM ET/PT.

- I liked the movie…yes that’s what I said. So I’ll check this out.

GREAT AMERICAN ROAD TRIP, THE (NBC) · [series premiere] · 7/7/09 at 8:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 8:00 PM-9:00 PM EST

(from NBC’s press release, March 2009) “Great American Road Trip” from BBC Worldwide, is a hilarious and relatable new series where seven families from divergent backgrounds are selected take the journey of a lifetime. Over eight episodes, the families will travel through cities large and small all while competing in a medley of humorous challenges that will ultimately lead one family to victory. These comical, clever challenges are set against iconic American backdrops like the majestic Grand Canyon and the regal Washington Monument. Along the way, our families and our viewers will also discover quirky American landmarks ranging from the World’s Largest Chair to a sneaker the size of a car. Although family fun is the centerpiece of the show, the competition is real and one family will be eliminated each week based on their performance in the challenges. Ultimately, only one family will return home with a dream prize that perfectly compliments their extraordinary and memorable summer vacation.

-This could work for a few episodes. Let’s see if I get hooked.

BLONDE CHARITY MAFIA (THE CW) · [series premiere - special time] · 7/7/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from The CW’s press release, April 2009) BLONDE CHARITY MAFIA is a docu-series about the lives of Washington, D.C.’s most influential 20-something Alpha Girls. The BCM runs the D.C. social circuit from charity events to society parties. Their events are the hottest ticket in town, and everyone vies for an invitation from Congressmen to Hill staffers. Gossip about the BCM is played out and played up on LATENIGHTSHOTS.com (a local, invite-only social website), where minute-by-minute gossip updates about the BCM’s daily (and nightly) exploits are shared for the D.C. public to devour. BLONDE CHARITY MAFIA is from Capital Hills Productions, Inc. with executive producers Patty Ivins (”The Modern Girl’s Guide To Life,” “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Model Search”) and Julie Pizzi (”The Modern Girl’s Guide To Life,” “Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Model Search”).

-Huh? Why? What? Who? C’mon. You can’t be serious.

WAREHOUSE 13 (SCI FI) · [two-hour series premiere] · 7/7/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from Sci Fi’s press release, April 2009) Premieres Tuesday, July 7, with two-hour pilot from 9-11PM (ET/PT) – Two Secret Service agents find themselves abruptly transferred to a massive, top-secret storage facility in windswept South Dakota which houses every strange artifact, mysterious relic, fantastical object and supernatural souvenir ever collected by the U.S. government. The Warehouse’s caretaker Artie (Saul Rubinek) charges Pete (Eddie McClintock) and Myka (Joanne Kelly) with chasing down reports of supernatural and paranormal activity in search of new objects to cache at the Warehouse, as well as helping him to control the warehouse itself. CCH Pounder guest-stars as Artie’s boss Mrs. Federic, along with Allison Scagliotti as Claudia Donovan, a young, hip, brilliant techno-wiz. The 13-episode series (including the two-hour pilot) is produced for SCI FI by Universal Cable Productions. It is executive produced by Jack Kenny (The Book of Daniel) who also serves as showrunner. David Simkins (Dresden Files) is executive producer; Jace Alexander (Burn Notice, Rescue Me) is co-executive producer and director of the pilot; and Stephen Surjik (Monk, Burn Notice) is producer/director of the series.

-Yes! Now let’s see if the writing and action blend to see if lasts.

GAMBLER, THE GIRL AND THE GUNSLINGER, THE (HALLMARK) · [original telefilm] · 7/11/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Hallmark’s press release) Hallmark Channel is pleased to announce that production has begun on “Kingdom Come,” a western-themed original movie set to air on the family-friendly network in mid 2009. The movie is being shot in Vancouver, Canada. Actor Dean Cain (”Final Approach”) stars in the lead role. In the Old West town of Brazos, con man Shea McCall (Cain) wins half a parcel of land over a game of poker, which he now shares with B.J. Stoker (James Tupper, “Samantha Who?”) known to everyone as a rough ‘n’ tough cowboy. The two begin a contentious relationship, one-upping the other over working the land, overseeing the workers, and winning the heart of B.J.’s current “lady friend,” Liz Calhoun (Allison Hossack, “Reaper”). When outlaws ride into Brazos with plans to run everyone off the land and take over the town, Shea and B.J must put aside their differences and work together or risk losing everything they have.

-I won’t even click to see a snippet of this production.

SAND SERPENTS (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 7/11/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Sci Fi’s press release, April 2009) “Sand Serpents,” starring Jason Gedrick – At an isolated Taliban outpost in Afghanistan, a small platoon of US soldiers faces a danger far greater than fanatical rebels – giant worm-like creatures that come up through the sand and devour everything in their path. Their inexperienced lieutenant has to lead them across the treacherous desert to a rendezvous point where an army helicopter will pick them up – but not all of them are going to make it.

-I don’t know. This seems almost comical to me.

METEOR (NBC) · [original mini-series] · 7/12/09 at 9:00 PM

(from NBC’s press release) In “Meteor,” two massive rocks, tumbling debris older than the solar system itself, collide in space. The course has been altered. The target is Earth. In a remote observatory, Dr. Lehman (Emmy winner Christopher Lloyd, “Back to the Future”), discovers a meteor approximately three times the size of Mount Everest barreling its way towards Earth. His devoted young assistant Imogene O’Neill (Marla Sokoloff, “The Practice”) feverishly types in the coordinates only to find the previously identified meteor named Kassandra is headed their way. It’s only the beginning of their troubles as showers of smaller meteorites begin to lay waste to major cities around the globe. The impending disaster brings out the best and the worst sides in people as they cope by either lending a helping hand or taking advantage of the situation. In a small California town, a Police Chief (Golden Globe Nominee Stacy Keach, “Prison Break”) struggles to calm a panicky group of citizens. Miles away, his son Jack, a detective (Golden Globe nominee Billy Campbell, “Once and Again”), finds himself caught in the middle of the most difficult arrest of his career with the ill-timed transfer of a very dangerous psychopath named Stark (Michael Rooker, “JFK”). Then there’s the skeptical Dr. Chetwyn (Emmy and Golden Globe nominee Jason Alexander, “Seinfeld”) who may be the only chance Lehman and O’Neill have to get their findings to the proper authorities in time to deflect Kassandra. Time is running out in “Meteor,” in which eye-popping effects, explosive human drama, and hair-raising action combine to create a suspenseful, thrilling and dramatic new miniseries event from RHI Entertainment.

-No More Meteors! Stop It!

DROP DEAD DIVA (LIFETIME) · [series premiere] · 7/12/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from Lifetime’s press release, January 2009) Lifetime Television today announced the pick up of Drop Dead Diva, a spirited new comedic drama series that puts a uniquely compelling twist on the age-old battle between brains and beauty. Drop Dead Diva tells the story of a shallow model-in-training who dies in a sudden accident only to find her soul resurfacing in the body of a brilliant, thoughtful and plus-size attorney. Drop Dead Diva is produced by Sony Pictures Television and is set to premiere on Lifetime Television in the Summer 2009.

-Love the twist shows. I will have my Lifetime moment after all this summer.

DARK BLUE (TNT) · [series premiere] · 7/15/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from TNT’s press release, May 2009) This fast-paced, undercover police drama from prolific producer Jerry Bruckheimer (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Without a Trace) stars Golden Globe winner Dylan McDermott (The Practice, TNT’s The Grid), Logan Marshall-Green (The O.C.), Omari Hardwick (TNT’s Saved) and Nicki Aycox (Supernatural). The series follows the exploits of a crack undercover team of police officers so covert, many of their own colleagues don’t even know they are involved. Leading the group is Carter Shaw (McDermott), a deeply wounded character who has lost his wife and much of his former life as he struggles to bring down bad guys through complex undercover assignments. His team includes Ty Curtis (Hardwick), a recently married cop who struggles with personal relationships he has developed while undercover; Dean Bendis (Marshall-Green), a shoot-from-the-hip officer whose activities make fellow team members wonder if he has gone over to the bad side; and Jaimie Allen (Aycox), a green patrol cop brought in because of her excellent skill in lying and a shady past.

-The jury is still out on this show. Can they pull it off. Feels like a slicker “Shield” show if you ask me.

MICHAEL & MICHAEL HAVE ISSUES (COMEDY) · [series premiere] · 7/15/09 at 10:30 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:30 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from Comedy Central’s press release, February 2009) Best friends and collaborators for over 20 years, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter finally have their own TV show on COMEDY CENTRAL. There’s just one problem: they are their own worst enemies. COMEDY CENTRAL has ordered seven episodes of “Michael and Michael Have Issues,” it was announced today by Lauren Corrao, president, original programming and development, COMEDY CENTRAL. The new comedy series starring Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter is scheduled to premiere in July. Executive produced by Black, Showalter, Jim Biederman (”Whitest Kids U Know,” “I’m With Busey”) and Lou Wallach, “Michael and Michael Have Issues” stars Black and Showalter in a new twist on narrative and sketch comedies that features the long-time comedic partners as the hosts of their own fictitious sketch show. Sketches will be interspersed throughout the narrative thread of each episode. Behind-the-scenes of the show-within-a-show, viewers will get a first hand look at issues, both big (in an attempt to broaden their appeal, the guys turn their show into a frat house spectacle) and small (the two Michaels fight over the approval of a teenage intern writing an article about them for his high school newspaper.) that the two misguided stars wrestle with as they confront their own issues of insecurity and jealousy as each attempts to undermine the other. Jim Sharp and Christina Lee are the executives in charge of production for COMEDY CENTRAL.

-I have issues to and it’s with this show.

HELLHOUNDS (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 7/19/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Sci Fi’s press release, April 2009) “Hellhounds,” directed by Rick Schroeder – After his bride is poisoned at their wedding, a young Greek warrior risks a journey to Hades to rescue her from the God of the Underworld and bring her back to life. What he doesn’t know is that the best friend who accompanies him is the man who killed her in a jealous rage.

DATING IN THE DARK (ABC) · [series premiere] · 7/20/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:00 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from ABC’s press release, April 2009) “Dating in the Dark” is a unique alternative series that asks the age-old question, “Is Love Blind?” Each week, three single men and three single women, all looking for love, will move into a house together, but be totally sequestered from the opposite sex. While they will have no chance of seeing each other in the light, they will have the opportunity to date in a completely dark room. Looks will be taken out of the equation as the men and women get to know each other and form bonds in total darkness. After several days of dating in the darkroom, the participants will select the one member of the opposite sex that they want to see revealed in the light. For the first time, the participants will see whom they’ve been dating, wooing, kissing, snuggling with and forming bonds with. And after they see each other in the light for the first time, they have to make the difficult decision…do they stay with the person they fell for in the dark, or leave them behind? Hosted by Rossi Moreale (”Can You Duet?,” “Temptation”).

-This was half way interesting till I saw it was an hour long show. Hurt it!

RUBY & THE ROCKITS (ABC FAMILY) · [series premiere] · 7/21/09 at 8:30 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 8:30 PM-9:00 PM EST

(from ABC Family’s press release, April 2009) “Ruby & the Rockits” is an ABC Studios half-hour multi-cam comedy executive-produced by Shaun Cassidy (”Invasion”) and Marsh McCall (”Carpoolers”). “Ruby & the Rockits” follows Patrick Gallagher, a former teen idol who has chosen to lead a quiet life with his wife and two sons. But when his former Rockits band mate and brother, David, shows up unexpectedly with his new-found teenage daughter in tow, the Gallagher family’s life becomes anything but normal. David, who refuses to give up his past glory days, comes to Patrick for help in raising Ruby while he continues to perform. Patrick must now put the past with David behind them in order to help raise Ruby and keep order within the rest of the Gallagher clan. “Ruby & the Rockits” story by Shaun Cassidy and Ed Yeager, with teleplay by Ed Yeager and Marsh McCall. The pilot was directed by Ted Wass.) Alexa Vega (”Spy Kids”, Patrick Cassidy (”Smallville”), Katie Amanda Keane (”Eli Stone”), Austin Butler (”Zoey 101″), Kurt Doss (”Role Models”), and former teen idol David Cassidy (”The Partridge Family”) star. “Ruby & the Rockits” premieres on Tuesday, July 21 at 8:30PM ET/PT.

-I see nothing here. No sparks of interest. Nothing.

MALIBU SHARK ATTACK (SCI FI) · [original telefilm] · 7/25/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Sci Fi’s press release, April 2009) “Malibu Shark Attack,” starring Peta Wilson – An underwater earthquake generates a tsunami that strikes Malibu and brings a hunting pack of prehistoric-looking goblin sharks to the surface. Although the beach is evacuated before the big wave strikes, a group of lifeguards and a crew of construction workers are stranded in the high water and have to fight the sharks to get to dry land.

-SciFi always has to amuse us. With this one, they don’t disappoint.

STORM, THE (NBC) · [original mini-series] · 7/26/09 at 9:00 PM

(from NBC’s press release) In “The Storm,” also from RHI Entertainment, billionaire Robert Terrell (Golden Globe and Emmy nominee Treat Williams, “Everwood”) has fulfilled a lifelong obsession and made history with “weather creation” technology though his Atmospheric Research Institute. But during a test run, a blast of energy is sent into the ionosphere with unexpected results. The experiments hurtle the planet towards destruction-hurricanes change course, winds go instantly from hot to cold, torrential rains bring regions to a standstill, and buildings crumble into ruins under explosive lightening storms. It’s only the beginning. Only one scientist, Dr. Jonathan Kirk (James Van Der Beek, “Dawson’s Creek”), steps forward to demand that the system be terminated. Terrell is undeterred and continues to push his team to move forward. His motives for the initially philanthropic technology is in truth far more opportunistic. With government cohort, Army General Braxton (David James Elliott, “JAG”), Terrell envisions the technology as a key military weapon to ensure super power status. Realizing he’s powerless to stop the project by himself, Kirk contacts news reporter Danni Wilson (Teri Polo, “Meet the Parents”) with plans to expose Terrell and explain the catastrophic weather to a bewildered and frightened world. It’s a task that won’t come easy, as Kirk quickly discovers the motives and loyalties of authorities are not in his favor. As devastating and extreme weather events hammer down on every corner of the Earth, it will be a race against time to shut down the system before the edge of extinction. Featuring a cast of television favorites including Emmy Winner John Larroquette (”Boston Legal”), Luke Perry (”Beverly Hills, 90210″) and Marisol Nichols (”24″), “The Storm” is the ultimate tale of man against nature and an epic miniseries event posing a tantalizing and terrifying what-if scenario.

-No More Storms! Not even the made up ones.

T.O. SHOW, THE (VH1) · [series premiere] · 7/27/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · mondays from 10:00 PM-10:30 PM EST

(from VH1’s press release, January 2009) VH1 has teamed up with one of the most recognizable names and personalities in sports — Terrell Owens — who will star in his own reality show slated to premiere in the summer of 2009 on VH1. The series follows one of the NFL’s biggest and most outspoken stars, wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys, Terrell “T.O.” Owens. In the series, T.O. will be shadowed in the off-season by his best friends and publicists Monique Jackson and Kita Williams as they battle the two sides of his large personality. Viewers will discover that behind all the braggadocio, emotional histrionics, and sculpted physique that is the outspoken media magnet known to the world as “T.O.” — there is also a quiet, sensitive, mild-mannered guy from Alexander City, Alabama…that’s Terrell.

-I’m ashamed to say that I’ll probably watch some of this craziness.

MORE TO LOVE (FOX) · [series premiere] · 7/28/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

(from FOX’s press release, March 2009) FOX is setting out to prove that love comes in all shapes and sizes with the new inspirational dating competition series MORE TO LOVE. Executive-produced by Mike Fleiss (”The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette”), the unscripted series follows a single average guy with a big waist and an even bigger heart as he romances several confident and secure plus-size women. Each week, the husky hunk will wine and dine a group of curvy women to determine if they have more love to give or if they are truly more than he can handle. When the size of competition narrows, he will have to decide if one full-figured lady will become his true love.

-I don’t know if I’ll watch it all but I’m intrigued.

MRS. WASHINGTON GOES TO SMITH (HALLMARK) · [original telefilm] · 8/1/09 at 9:00 PM

(from Hallmark’s press release) Cybill Shepherd (”The L Word,” “Cybill”) stars in “Mrs. Washington Goes to Smith,” an original movie about a fortysomething woman who returns to Smith College to finish her interrupted education and in the process befriends her troubled young roommate and also ends up in an unexpected but off-limits romance. The movie has completed production and will air on Hallmark Channel in August 2009.

MEGAN WANTS A MILLIONAIRE (VH1) · [series premiere] · 8/2/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · sundays from 9:00 PM-10:00 PM EST

-Megan a millionare, millionare, millionare. Megan wants a millionare and I don’t care at all.

HOW’D YOU GET SO RICH? (TV LAND) · [series premiere] · 8/12/09 at 10:00 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:00 PM-10:30 PM EST

(from TV Land’s press release, May 2009) Notoriously uncensored gossip diva Joan Rivers stars in TV Land PRIME’s new original reality series, “How’d You Get So Rich?” Executive produced by Mark Burnett (”Survivor,” “The Apprentice”) and Zoo Productions, Inc., Joan Rivers takes TV Land viewers on an escapist tour of the most lavish and extravagant homes and introduces them to folks who made a lot of money in really interesting ways — the way only Joan can.

-I can only look at that mug so long but congrats on her apprentice win though.

MAKE MY DAY (TV LAND) · [series premiere] · 8/12/09 at 10:30 PM · [regularly airs] · wednesdays from 10:30 PM-11:00 PM EST

(from TV Land’s press release, May 2009) This comedic hidden-camera series provides a window into one day in the life of an unsuspecting participant. Tune in as cameras capture the action as they experience weird coincidences, extraordinary situations and surprise celebrity appearances for one whole day. “Make My Day” is a 30-minute series produced for TV Land by Embassy Row (”Power of Ten” and “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”), Monkey Kingdom and Sony Pictures Television. Michael Davies serves as the executive producer.

-This will get old quick. Suffice it to say, this won’t make my day.

MODELS OF THE RUNWAY (LIFETIME) · [series premiere] · 8/20/09 at 11:00 PM · [regularly airs] · thursdays from 11:00 PM-11:30 PM EST

(from Lifetime’s press release, April 2009) Project Runway, featuring host Heidi Klum, mentor Tim Gunn and judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, is set to make its long-awaited return to television on Thursday, August 20, at 10:00 PM (ET/PT) with 14 hour-long episodes. The series, the highest-rated unscripted competition show on all of cable, will seamlessly lead into Models of the Runway at 11:00PM (ET/PT), beginning August 20. This all-new, half-hour companion series will center around the drama, anxiety, tears and joys of Project Runway’s models as they compete for money and a major magazine cover shoot. Both programs are produced by The Weinstein Company and Bunim-Murray Productions (The Real World).

-I ‘m not really into this, I should but no. Can’t do it.

E2 DESIGN (SUNDANCE) · [series premiere] · 11/3/09 at 9:00 PM · [regularly airs] · tuesdays from 9:00 PM-9:30 PM EST

(from Sundance’s press release, March 2009) Narrated by Brad Pitt, ” e2 design” explores the pioneers and innovators in the field of sustainable architecture, and how their work is producing solutions to pressing environmental and social challenges. The series features compelling stories from around the globe. Each episode examines the built environment’s effects – both ecological and social – and the design innovations that can reduce buildings’ contributions to climate change. Season 1 will air in 2009 and Seasons 2 and 3 will air in 2010. Produced by kontentreal.

-zzzzz….Even for a half hour show is too much. Fifteen minutes on Current TV maybe.